Monday, May 4, 2009

May 5

I wonder what tomorrow will be like. Something gives me the feeling that it will be a bit different.

While mom was at home in the last weeks of her life, most of us had the opportunity to sit with her solo and just be, talk, laugh, and/or cry. I know I had 2 of the most unforgetable conversations and moments with my mother that I will always remember (hence, the unforgetable part:)). We decided early on that I would ask mom each day if she was scared about dying and going to heaven. Her answer, most every day, was "yes, I'm not ready to leave you yet." It was difficult to hear the answer each day, but I knew that she wasn't going unless she had gotten rid of that fear. I remember the last time I asked her that question was the Monday before her death. She just looked at me, and didn't respond. I wanted to weep and wail, but on the inside I was filled with some type of joy that soon, my mother wasn't going to suffer anymore. Are you scared?

So, my sister apparently had a few of these moments with her too. In one of their times together, mom proceeded to tell her that May 5 was a special day, that God had put that date on her heart for some reason - either it would be the day she would die, or the day of new life. Now, we know that the first choice of that one has already happened, and we also know that my sister is about 31 weeks pregnant. So my question is this - will I become another Aunt tomorrow?
If I do - how weird is that? If I don't, I wonder why mom was so attached to May 5??

I guess only tomorrow will tell. Until then, I'm going to rest - I'm so exhausted!


Terry Jackman said...

Today may be special in a way you don't realize until later....later in the day, the week, or later in your life. Praying for you!

Madeline said...

The day was impressed on Mom's heart for some reason...but apparently it wasn't for reasons that even she knew. Isn't it wonderful how God can remain in control? In my Bible Study last night, we talked about "the wind" that Jesus spoke of when talking to Nicodemus in the gospel of John. This "wind" was and still is the Holy Spirit. I realized that we don't give the Holy Spirit much we always pray, "Heavenly Father" and "in Jesus' name." Yet, the Holy Spirit dwells within us in a way that is like a quiet whisper of wind or the wailing of a storm. I believe that the Holy Spirit may put upon us such things as those that Mom spoke of when she insisted on May 5. Perhaps it was this quiet whisper that drove me to the Lord yesterday, drove me away from my uncomfortableness (yes, I like to make up new words) and into the arms of the Comforter. No, Manni, you'll have to wait a little while longer to become an Aunt. And, oh, how I wish that we could have had a few more months with Mom...this Sunday will be especially difficult. But, in the end, I'd like to think that we are still paying whatever God has to tell us, through whomever He chooses to use to tell. Love you Manni and can't wait for you to come see us!

Anonymous said...

Geez, both of you just don't get it. May 5th. Debi's first Cinco De Maya in the land of glory! She's dancing and drinking her favorite 'Big Butt Margarita' while singing along to some Buffett. I guess that's why I sang extra loud in the car and kept cracking Debi jokes all day! Love you both! Miss you more and remember, "Big Butt Margaritas' ain't for sissies.

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