Tuesday, May 19, 2009

"Good Lord, you must be HUGE!"

One of Mom's favorite pastimes - making telemarketers regret they even called. There are at least 3 of these stories that might make you "pee-pee laugh" that I want to share. The first is quite possibily the best one - I can only hope that I give you enough of the story to give you a good chuckle. I have taken some liberties with the exact conversation flow, but this is basically how it went...

ring ring ring...
Mom: Hello?
Telemarketer: Uh, Yes ma'am, may I speak with Mrs. Jackson please?
Mom: Well, you got her.
TM: Well, Hello Mrs. Jackson, my name is Melton, and I am calling on behalf of (some travel company). You are one lucky lady.
Mom: Oh yeah, why is that?
TM: Well, Mrs Jackson -
Mom: Melton, you can call me Debi.
TM: Well, Okay, Debi, you've been chosen to receive a free trip for you and your family to Disney World.
Mom: Oh my, we've always wanted to go back to Disney World, have you ever been to Disney World?
TM: Eh, um, why no I haven't.
Mom: You mean you gotta call people to tell them that they done won a trip that you ain't ever been on? That's not fun.
TM: Well, I guess so.
Mom: Well that's a shame, we went a while back. I took all my kids, step kids, and three of their daddies and we went for a whole weekend. It was so much fun, you just wait until I tell them what I've won.
TM: Alright..
Mom: You know, Billy, well, he was the first boy I had with Darrell, he was my first husband...anyway, he really liked Mickey Mouse. Since then, none of the other kids with any of their daddies have liked Mickey as much as Billy did - you should have seen that excitement on that boy's face when he saw dem black ears of that mouse - wooowee!
TM: That's great Mrs. Jackson, eh, Debi.
Mom: I know Melton, but ya see the last time we went I weighed about 200 pounds less than I do now. See since my boys done gone and grown up, I aint gotta chase them around the house no more. And I love me some soaps. So you see, I guess I done put on a few pounds now.
TM: Okay, why is that a problem then?
Mom: Well Melton, how many tickets did you say I won?
TM: Well, Debi, it seems here that I have you and 3 other tickets.
Mom: Well, I guess that means I can only take 2 of my 7 boys with me.
TM: Who will be the 4th then?
Mom: Well, Melton, I'll need two seats on the airplane - oh I'm so embarassed!
TM: Oh Debi, don't be embarassed - I've had to do that before too.
Mom: Oh really Melton? Hey Melton, can I ask, how much do you weigh?
(at this point it really didn't matter what number Melton gave mom - and I didn't hear it...)

(The conversation continued a bit, and then mom just told Melton that it would be okay, and that she was giving her "gift trip" to Melton and his family. Melton TOTALLY forgot why he was calling mom and actually hung up on her).

Mom loved to talk with these folks. And she could carry on a conversation and not even bust a laugh. I loved that about her. She would later tell us these stories with us doubled over laughing so hard. So if you ever hear us say "Good Lord, you must be huge!" we're remembering, fondly, mom and her love for letting telemarketers feel like they accomplished something in a day.


Anonymous said...

My favorite ever is when Debi had to explain why her husband was being mean to her youngest boy. "I don't know why he's so upset. He's that boys uncle-daddy. It ain't that boys fault that I slept with my husbands brother." By then end of that call, the manager was praying for Debi and her family and I'm sure they burned the computer that ramdomly picked her number! :)

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