Monday, January 25, 2010

This time last year....

It's starting: "this time last year, mom had her "spell" which put her intubated in the back of an ambulance, then flying in a medvac to CMC, etc etc." We've now entered into the 11th month without mom, and the anniversary of her death is lurking nearby. With less than a month away, I think we're all starting to relive each moment of those last weeks with her. Yesterday marked the "beginning of the end" of sorts, and for the next 25 days, I'm sure those memories will just become more vivid. I even spent an hour or so this evening re-reading some of the journal entries on CaringBridge and it made things even more memorable. Gosh, how I almost wish those days were still here! Not that I enjoyed the moments of mom looking and feeling miserable and so uncomfortable, but I just miss her spirit and her being with us.
I had my first dream about her since the week after she passed away just recently. In the dream, Jeremy and I were meeting mom and dad, along with his parents and sister, at Edisto (granted, I've never been there before, but I have a very clear picture of what I thought it is to look like). And dad came to pick me up and as we were headed back, mom walked out of a nearby bathroom, using her cane, dressed in her short-alls and cap (with no hair), looked right at me and said "hey stink" (a term of endearment she would use with me all of the time). Her voice was clear and she was smiling. And the I woke up.
It's been a hard few months with celebrating the holidays, birthdays, tax time (I know that doesn't sound fun, but mom was such a teacher to me when it came time for taxes - she taught me how to do my own because a tax prep person wasn't worth the money (especially when all of the money I had was gonna go to the fed anyway - haha). I miss going out to eat with her and dad, I miss meeting at IHOP on random Saturday mornings, I miss Christmas morning and pjs, I miss shopping at Belk because there was nothing else to do, I miss walking to her office to get a soad, I miss telling her that her clothes didn't match, I miss her calling me all the time to see "what's up", I miss telling her everything. I miss her.
What do you miss about mom?