Monday, April 30, 2012

how it all started

Exactly 3 years and 2 days ago I started this blog.  I needed an outlet for thinking, writing, and typing since I had been doing it pretty consistently during mom's illness, struggle, and death from brain cancer.  I was so faithful to anyone and everyone who took the time to read her caringbridge site.  I still had a lot on my mind and was processing life as I knew it to be radically different in an instant.
Over the past few weeks, I've been VIVIDLY remembering all of that season, from her diagnosis, to her treatments, to her set backs, and of course those last days.  An old/new friend from college and I reconnected since April 14th and sadly I've had to share my heart with her in a similar situation.  My heart aches for her and her family as they walk into this new and scary experience.  It's certainly drawn me back to my own.
And I've pondering what life would be like if she were still living.  What my family would look like, where we would be living, whether or not I'd be working, what my dad would be doing, all of those things.  I've spent many a wheels turning all of those thoughts around.  And it's not really worth it.  This is my life now, our "new normal" so to speak.  Funny though, that our "new normal" has transformed to a married couple, to a married couple without my mother, to a married couple without my mother to first one daughter, now to another.  Our new normal has taken such leaps and bounds over the last 5 years alone!
I started this blog with the intentions of keeping regular posts on thoughts and questions that I wanted to share with mom....but it's really turned into quite the smorgasbord of things.  A throw up of my crazy brain in all of the many directions it takes. No doubt, I would have wanted to tell mom all of these things.  And it probably would have been said on the immediate phone call back to her when after she'd answer I'd always say "Hey mom, it's me again..."
So thanks for sticking with me over the last 3 years and in the years to come.  I have so many posts I want to share and hope to add them soon. Some on food, some on family, some on growth, and some on who knows what?!
Happy Monday!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

A new beginning

I went out on a limb today. I did something I haven't done in ages...if ever. I showed up to a Bible study to meet with people I didn't know, to let strangers take care of my children, and I stayed for 2 hours relishing in the goodness. And the best part: I'm not in charge, I'm not teaching, I'm not copying materials, I'm not doing childcare, I'm not setting up the computer and projector. I'm JUST SHOWING UP. Talk about liberating?!
I have been desiring the following things since all of my new seasons of life have collided:
1. Fellowship with others outside of corporate worship.
2. Fellowship with women, preferably those in my life status and those whom I've never met before
3. Fellowship with God in a new way
4. Encouragement and accountability to stay in the Word DAILY
5. All of 1-4 with my children cared for.

Bible study Fellowship just happens to meet all of those requirements. and it's FREE!  I am so excited to have a group to call my own and guidance for living in God's Word.  I didn't realize how hard it would be, but since I've been at home (away from my job of the church where my Bible always sat on my desk and stared at me and I was always driven to read Scripture because of the events I was facing...), time is running short. Funny as it may seem, I had more time to clean, do housework, exercise, do quiet times, etc when I was working. So now, I'm adjusting to our new norm and figuring out how it all works out.

Unfortunately, at this particular moment, I'm still getting little sleep.  I get several "naps" at night in between feedings, but between 7 a.m. and 10 p.m., there isn't much sleep going on (except for the afternoon nap that I get 4-5 days out of the week between 3 and 4:45 when both girls are napping).  So, I'm fighting to do all of the chores while Miriam is awake, having to feed Lydia on demand, and care for my husband. Forget me!

But ALAS - don't forget me.  Every Wednesday from now until the end of May, then starting back up again in September, I will have "me" time. And it will be in worship, fellowship, and with my God.  Praise the Lord for His gifts and providing a way for not just me, but other men and women to join together for learning and praising.

So a note from today's lesson, studying James 1 and 2:
 22 Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. 23 Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror 24and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. 25 But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

What can I do in my life and what can you do in your life to look more intently into that freedom that we are given? I look forward to being blessed by the encouragement to do just that in the upcoming 6 weeks!