Friday, August 27, 2010

Playtime and responsibility

A sweet picture of Miriam with her eyes open.

Today we introduced Miriam to her ocean neptune play mat and she had a blast!

and then she got tired and slept.

Jeremy was home today, and since Miriam has been "cleared" to venture out into the real world, we took a family outing (although Miriam has been to the salon to meet Mrs. Jennifer, to church for her first Sunday, to Old Town Bistro for lunch and Target with neighbor Terri, and to BUNCO with the girls...). So, we got everybody ready and full - then headed to......Bilo and Aldi! I know, we're living on the wild side. But, with such a time frame, and the need for food to fill our pantry, that's where we ended up.

On a serious note, I've been thinking and preparing for Sunday at church - it's Rally Day/Promotion Sunday. Possibly the most important day that I prepare for in my job. We recognize and show appreciation for all of our teachers, encourage the children to learn in Sunday School, and challenge the adults to be leaders in the church. It's a big day, and I have a lot to be thankful for in sharing about the upcoming year. As I have been thinking about all this, something has been on my heart, especially since the birth of Miriam. I need to be praying for my own child. I mean, pray INTENTIONALLY with scripture on a regular basis. A friend of mine visited a few weeks back and gifted us the most precious thing: a framed piece of paper with Jeremiah 32:39-40, making it personal with Miriam's name. I have set it on her dresser, and each time she nurses in her nursery, I pray that for my daughter. It's a powerful thing and I've come to memorize it, so that I can pray it EVERYTIME I nurse her. It's beautiful. It's a responsibility that I'm honored to have - won't you spend some time praying for your child (or your child to be...)?

Thursday, August 19, 2010

You didn't hold me to it....

So, a weeks time has gone by, and I didn't update like I said I would. I can because I am wearing this:

Possibly one of "my favorite purchases" since having Miriam. It's called a Moby Wrap and I can wrap Miriam up in it and be hands free (and it's great for snuggling with her!!). The other purchase I made a few weeks back was these blankets from Target. So lightweight so I didn't feel like I was smothering her by swaddling her.

Saturdays (well, really a lot of other days too) are great picture days because they mark her weekly birthday celebrations since Miriam was born on a Saturday. This past Saturday we had another "photo shoot" by mom, and we came up with these photos. I'm loving the opportunity of taking pictures of her as much as I want. So glad that we purchased the Nikon D3000 for our Christmas present! Thanks for encouraging me to be the photographer in the family! I can't wait to take more pictures when her eyes are actually open and she can smile when I say CHEESE :)

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Where does the time go?

Okay - so, I wake up each morning with all intentions of tackling my to-do list, which seems to grow by the day, and somehow, I find myself at 9 p.m. having done nothing on that list but just add more to it. Really, where does the time go?? I really accomplished NOTHING today. I did eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and I did check the mail (only to find ads :(). But I really can't say that I did anything. But boy am I tired!

I would love to keep up with the blog better now that I'm "home all of the time" but I've got to get the time to sit down and do it. I promise I will attempt to do at least 2-3 updates a week. Hold me to that promise.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010


Right now, I sit in the dark, and listen to the sounds of Brahams, Dvorak, and Debussy - classical lullabies that are so soothing to my little angel. Did I mention - I have a little angel. I still can't believe it! I mean, we knew we were expecting - but not so soon! The due date was set for August 18th - and I was almost hoping for a late baby. Five days after that would have been mom's 57th birthday. How neat it would have been for Miriam to share her special day with her special Nana?!

Well, that's not how it ended up! On July 10th, we welcomed little Miriam Ruth into the world at a whopping 5 lbs 8 oz and 19 inches at 2:50 in the afternoon. We were quite shocked at the way everything unfolded, but it did all with the Lord's provisions. The labor wasn't too strenuous, and the delivery was short and painless. After the excitement, this is what greeted us:

The past 3.5 weeks have certainly been a roller coaster for us - 5 days in the NICU, back and forth to the hospital on an almost daily basis for heel pricks to test her bili levels, 10 days on the bili blanket, and frequent doctor visits. I mean, I knew this whole parenting and motherhood thing would be difficult - but I don't think I was prepared to mother a preemie. There are so many differences and exceptions to the rules when it comes to premature babies. And mine definitely has a mind, schedule and personality of her own. She is truly a gift and we're enjoying every waking moment - as there are far more than sleeping moments :)

I keep saying "if mom were here, (this that or the other) would be a certain way" "if mom were still here, she'd have retired to watch Miriam so I could go back to work"...or "if mom were still here, she'd be over to visit every night" etc. I miss that mom isn't around. I feel like I cheated us both in some ways - she never got to see me pregnant, or meet her granddaughter, and I never got to experience her as Nana with my children. And too, there's the confusing responsibility of explaining to Miriam one day that she has 2 Nanas - one that is living, and one that she'll meet someday later on.

The night Miriam was born, I had a dream - the most vivid dream, and only one of 2 EVER since mom's passing. I was sitting with mom by her bedside in a hospice type place (that had a nursery too - which is where Miriam was). I was telling her all about Miriam's birth and all about her and mom was totally with everything. Then I got a call from a nurse telling me that I needed to come and feed Miriam. So I got up, and left to go to the nursery and went to feed Miriam. Upon my return, I saw mom again, in that same bed, but in the condition she was moments before her actual death. It was like I knew what was coming, but for some reason I thought I could stop it. I called out for the nurses to come, but no one even acknowledged it. Then mom passed - again. It was the most bogus dream ever. It was like I had the opportunity to share all about our sweet girl and was confident that mom knew all about her. And then she departed again.

Now that I am a mother, I long for mine so much. There are so many women in my life who are wonderful to me, and now to my daughter - but my how I miss you Mom!