Monday, April 30, 2012

how it all started

Exactly 3 years and 2 days ago I started this blog.  I needed an outlet for thinking, writing, and typing since I had been doing it pretty consistently during mom's illness, struggle, and death from brain cancer.  I was so faithful to anyone and everyone who took the time to read her caringbridge site.  I still had a lot on my mind and was processing life as I knew it to be radically different in an instant.
Over the past few weeks, I've been VIVIDLY remembering all of that season, from her diagnosis, to her treatments, to her set backs, and of course those last days.  An old/new friend from college and I reconnected since April 14th and sadly I've had to share my heart with her in a similar situation.  My heart aches for her and her family as they walk into this new and scary experience.  It's certainly drawn me back to my own.
And I've pondering what life would be like if she were still living.  What my family would look like, where we would be living, whether or not I'd be working, what my dad would be doing, all of those things.  I've spent many a wheels turning all of those thoughts around.  And it's not really worth it.  This is my life now, our "new normal" so to speak.  Funny though, that our "new normal" has transformed to a married couple, to a married couple without my mother, to a married couple without my mother to first one daughter, now to another.  Our new normal has taken such leaps and bounds over the last 5 years alone!
I started this blog with the intentions of keeping regular posts on thoughts and questions that I wanted to share with mom....but it's really turned into quite the smorgasbord of things.  A throw up of my crazy brain in all of the many directions it takes. No doubt, I would have wanted to tell mom all of these things.  And it probably would have been said on the immediate phone call back to her when after she'd answer I'd always say "Hey mom, it's me again..."
So thanks for sticking with me over the last 3 years and in the years to come.  I have so many posts I want to share and hope to add them soon. Some on food, some on family, some on growth, and some on who knows what?!
Happy Monday!


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