Saturday, January 14, 2012

a hard week

It's been such a hard week in all facets of life - emotionally draining, physically exhausting, mentally tiring, and spiritually challenging.  I've been more emotional this week than I have in quite some time, for a couple of reasons, I'm sure, but it just hit today why I may be so choked up.  Work has had its share of emotional, physical, mental and spiritual challenges and I'm coming to grips with a lot of that as we plan to make the adjustment of having 2 children and not just one, plus full time ministry.  Of course, other reasons too....

This pregnancy really has been so difficult. Compared to the one with Miriam, like night and day.  The doctors have been super cautious, my sweet BUSY 18 month old wears on me at all times, and it seems many complications have followed my path.  I think I finally came to terms today for the first time that this could be our last pregnancy. And I cried.

More than likely, my body may not be able to sustain another pregnancy without being super high risk (I was "minimal" risk at the start of this go around, but turning into the high risk case since 26 weeks).  Apparently, I'm already starting to make my way towards labor and that's why I'm on bedrest.  And obviously, the subsequent pregnancies can do that since your body is a little weaker in some areas.  And I'm not sure that's going to be recommended for us.

When thinking of this, I got sad that I may be enduring the last 4-10 weeks of pregnancy in my life - and that almost crushes me. Not to mention, I'll be enjoying those weeks lying down on the couch or in the bed, and hopefully not on medications!

I'm praying for renewed grace, rest, and thankfulness to overflow in my cup so that I can rejoice where I am right now, even if it is on the couch (although praying it doesn't get moved to the hospital bed!!).  I want to take in every moment of my time with Miriam and treasure it, and take in every movement in my womb of Lydia and treasure it to. Lord, help me find the ways to do just that in the week ahead.


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