Monday, May 11, 2015

Why I didn't cry for my mom on Mother's Day

It's quite odd actually. Perhaps it's still the adrenaline and emotion and reflection coming off of the Honduras trip and still living in a Zombie-like life, but Mother's Day this year just seemed a bit off, in the sense that I didn't set aside moments of sobbing for my own mother. About midday I wondered "what's wrong with me? Won't I cry for her? Don't I miss her?" 

But instead I was overwhelmed with emotions and thoughts that wouldn't escape me of dear friends who weep for their own mothers and mothers themselves who were struggling to celebrate the day, and those women who simply longed to be celebrated as a mother. My mind wondered all day in thoughts around my dear friend from college who lost her mom to brain cancer in August and then upon disbelief, her father passed just days before Christmas months later. Yesterday, she tried not to weep, as it was the first Mother's Day she would endure without her precious mother by her side. I was also reminded of another girlfriend whose mother passed away 4 years to the day from ALS. She was one of the most influencing and loving women, especially when it came to babies. And it just so happens that her two daughters had to remember that the day she passed fell on Mother's Day this year. And my sweet friend from church who is so in tap with the big picture of New Life in Christ, but still aches when she remembers the beautiful life her mother lived until the very day she passed just this February. This day of celebration without her presence was probably so different in a few ways, as I remember the first Mother's Day without mom and how I almost tried to ignore it (and how that really didn't work...). I've got about 5 other girlfriends who also tragically lost their mothers to cancers or heart health problems over the last 5 years since my own mother died. It's a reality for so many young women. 

And then I also thought of those friends I met last week. Cáterine in the jail, who will soon be a mother herself but won't be able to celebrate Mother's Day in the most common way because she is in jail, and she, too, is missing her mother her passed away from cancer. I thought of all of those 120 new mothers that I saw all of their smiles and scared faces ("what do I do wth THIS thing?!?") and celebrate with them now for their first Mother's Day with their new babies. And I think of the five or 6 women that we met that are still grieving the loss of their babies even today. Their is no celebration for them, they didn't have cake or balloons or flowers brought to them. They still have tears flowing from their eyes. And I think of another dear friend we met who is still remembering the death of his mother as if it were yesterday because he was right present when his mother was hit by an oncoming bus in the middle of the street. So. Much. Pain. 

Now I did think about mom yesterday. That sweet, crazy lady. I get it honest.  I think about her almost every day. I can't help it-i have her mini version living in the form of M. But I was filled with so much thought and emotion and prayer for all of these other friends that the tears I normally cry for my mother....there just weren't any tears of my own to cry for my own. None in fact. My hurt and loss seemed to be so minimal compared to the pain my friends around me have and are experiencing. Compassion went into overdrive and for once, the tears for mom were all dried up.

Oh how I'm challenged more and more that this is how we ought to love our brothers and sisters in Christ-that our tears should not be those of our own, but we should weep with others as Paul tells the Romans, let your love be genuine....
"Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep." (Romans 12:15 ESV)
Thank you Lord, for revealing such a lesson!


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