It's starting: "this time last year, mom had her "spell" which put her intubated in the back of an ambulance, then flying in a medvac to CMC, etc etc." We've now entered into the 11th month without mom, and the anniversary of her death is lurking nearby. With less than a month away, I think we're all starting to relive each moment of those last weeks with her. Yesterday marked the "beginning of the end" of sorts, and for the next 25 days, I'm sure those memories will just become more vivid. I even spent an hour or so this evening re-reading some of the journal entries on CaringBridge and it made things even more memorable. Gosh, how I almost wish those days were still here! Not that I enjoyed the moments of mom looking and feeling miserable and so uncomfortable, but I just miss her spirit and her being with us.
I had my first dream about her since the week after she passed away just recently. In the dream, Jeremy and I were meeting mom and dad, along with his parents and sister, at Edisto (granted, I've never been there before, but I have a very clear picture of what I thought it is to look like). And dad came to pick me up and as we were headed back, mom walked out of a nearby bathroom, using her cane, dressed in her short-alls and cap (with no hair), looked right at me and said "hey stink" (a term of endearment she would use with me all of the time). Her voice was clear and she was smiling. And the I woke up.
It's been a hard few months with celebrating the holidays, birthdays, tax time (I know that doesn't sound fun, but mom was such a teacher to me when it came time for taxes - she taught me how to do my own because a tax prep person wasn't worth the money (especially when all of the money I had was gonna go to the fed anyway - haha). I miss going out to eat with her and dad, I miss meeting at IHOP on random Saturday mornings, I miss Christmas morning and pjs, I miss shopping at Belk because there was nothing else to do, I miss walking to her office to get a soad, I miss telling her that her clothes didn't match, I miss her calling me all the time to see "what's up", I miss telling her everything. I miss her.
What do you miss about mom?
Thank You Volunteers {Free Printable Card}
9 hours ago
2 comments:
I miss her smell. I miss her many shades of black that she would wear all at the same time. I miss how she just knew that she was right all the time. I miss the way she would grap ahold of the "oh snap" bar in the car when Daddy was passing an 18-wheeler on the interstate. And how she would say, "I see brake lights...brake lights." I miss the way she would just expect us to do certain things and we wouldn't do them for that reason. I miss talking with her every day on the phone, sometimes for hours over everything and anything. I miss her laugh. I miss her lap that I used to lay across so she could rub all of my worries away (we used to call this "tickling our backs"). I miss watching her with Grace. I miss that she won't know her other grandchildren. I miss even seeing her bald head as I entered into the house from a 4 1/2 hour drive. I miss her fake smoking. I miss her saying, "stupid brain tumor." I miss her smile, the smile that I'd give anything to see again. I miss my mom...and I, too, would give anything to have her back again. I'm filled with emotion as we enter these days as well. I pray for comfort. I pray for the allowance of what we will feel. I pray for joy, which I get the feeling that we will receive. And I pray that we will never forget these memories that we have. I love you Manda!
I miss her guidance, I miss our walks in the park and how she would just about jump on my back if a squirrel ran by, I miss her funny phone calls..."Good Lord You Must Be Huge" or "Please Leave My Husband Alone", I miss her spirit, her smile, her laugh, I miss seeing her dressed for step class with her sweat bands on, I will never forget her tearing her calf muscle and then after that healed she broke both her arms (or vice versa). I couldn't believe it. I remember she bought me champagne and OJ for my birthday. I miss seeing her and Ronnie shagging at our Christmas parties. I miss her low fat carrot cake, I miss her calling or me calling her just to talk or complain about the day, I miss her comforting words when I was upset, I just miss everything about her. There hasn't been one day that's passed and I haven't thought of her. It’s made me smile, laugh, and even cry at times. I always though of her as a second Mom and I thank her for that. I miss her and all of you...
Post a Comment