Thursday, October 15, 2009

I guess I'm due another...

It's been quite a while since I last posted, mainly because life just hasn't stopped going. We've been so crazy busy I never get time to sit at the computer outside of my work (which has been somewhat consuming as of late).
But tonight, I'm up late and can't sleep ...

February 19 was re-lived tonight in such vividness.....

Last Thursday, we found out that Jeremy's grandfather (PawPaw) was being sent to a hospice home with advanced stage of pancreatic cancer that had metastasized all over his body. The doctors there gave him on a few short hours - so naturally, we all began to worry and rushed to be by him. After last Friday, I don't believe that he was able to respond to much of anything. Pretty much sedated by morphine every 9-12 hours. This past week brought back so many memories of mom's last few weeks with us, especially the last 36 hours - it was the EXACT SAME THING!!! It made it very difficult to witness at times, and at others, oddly comforting to remember how it all unfolded.

I spent the wee hours of the morning with him yesterday to allow some of the other family members to take a break for losing sleep. I even took my violin and played for him twice last week just like I did for mom (boy was that hard!) I had studied his breathing pattern every night, learned how to check his pulse without anyone knowing what I was doing, and would wipe the tears the built up in his eyes from being closed for 7 straight days.
But tonight was different.
I couldn't take my eyes off him. I couldn't even pay attention to folks talking to me. It's like I sensed the nearness of his life ending, right before my eyes. Jeremy's parents had some folks visiting so they began to make their way into the hallway, and I felt pushed to be by his bedside - and there it was....I watched those last breaths. Just as peaceful as mom's were. I couldn't believe what I was watching! To have gone 26 years and never witnessed death in its moment, and then, within 7 months - twice have I felt that sense of emptiness.
I couldn't help but be reminded of the season of life that immediately followed mom's death. Confusion, anger, happiness, sadness, all of those things -
So pray for Jeremy, his dad and the other siblings, and for the other friends of PawPaw - for we will truly miss him. May he meet up with mom in the days to come...


Post a Comment